求大神帮忙PS图片,越搞笑越猥琐越好!感激不尽!先谢谢了,给好评

2022-03-15 搞笑 72阅读
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 1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指,但竟没有一个同学注意到,令她忿忿不平。到下午大家坐着谈天的时候,她突然站起来大声说:“哎呀,这里真热呀,我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧。”    2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她:“你是否怀孕了?”    “是啊!”女佣回道。    “亏你还说得出口,你还没有结婚,难道不觉得害羞吗?”女主人再次训。    “我为什么要害羞,女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗?”    “可是我怀的是我丈夫的!”女主人生气地反驳。    “我也是啊!”女佣高兴地附和。    3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服,就是把口子在后面扣上,可以挡风。一天他酒后驾驶,翻了,一头栽在路旁。警察赶到:    警察甲:好严重的车祸。    警察乙:是啊,脑袋都撞到后面去了。    警察甲:嗯,还有呼吸,我们帮他把头转回来吧。    警察乙:好.....一、二使劲,转回来了。    警察甲:嗯,没有呼吸了.......    4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上,因为时常发生车祸,所以常常有一些鬼故事发生,有一天晚上,有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩,身着白衣的女人向他招手,因为这个司机没有见过鬼,所以大胆的停下来让她上车了,这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼,心里也毛毛的,所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人,开着开着,突然司机发现那个女人不见了!司机吓了一大跳,赶紧踩了一个刹车!只见那个女人满脸是血,表情狰狞。司机吓的牙直打颤。突然那女人开口了:“你会不会开车啊!我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……”    5、一个病人去看病,医生检查了他,皱着眉头说:“您病得太严重了,恐怕不会活多久了。”病人:“求您告诉我我还能活多久?”医生:“十……”病人着急地问:“十什么?十年??十个月???十天?????”医生:“十,九,八,七,六,五……”    6、老师:“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗?”    学生:“能,他们都死了。”    7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱,蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的,蚊子说:“护士,打针的。”蜣一拍大腿:“缘分呐,我是中药局搓药丸的…”    8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆。夜半,起火,不明原因。非洲人见状顾不了那么许多,光着身子就跑出去了。消防员见状惊呼:“我的妈呀!都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快!”    9、一个人想出国考察,但必须得到老总批准。于是他向老总请示,老总给了他一张字条,上面写着:“Goahead”。那人想:“Goahead=前进,老总是批准了。”于是他开始打点行李。一个同事见到了他问:“你在做什啊??”他说:“我准备出国考察,老总批准了,给我写了‘Goahead’。”同事一见条就乐了:“咱们老总根本就没批准!!咱老总的英语水平你还不知道,他这是在说去个头!”    10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说:“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言,叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下。”农夫将信将疑,他试着喊了一声感谢上帝,那匹马立刻飞奔起来,越跑越快。一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”。果然,马停下来了。死里逃生的农夫长出一口气:“感谢上帝………”

我打了很久,请采纳

1thenightbefore,agirlgetboyfriendengagementring,butnoonenoticedtheclassmate,makeherantics.Yousitandchatintheafternoon,shesuddenlystoodupandshouted:\"oh,it'sreallyhotinhere,IthinkI'dbettertakeoffyourring.\"2,themistresscalledthemaidtoaskher:\"areyoupregnant?\"\"Yes!\"Themaidanswered.Export\"kuiyoustillsay,youarenotmarried,don'tyoufeelshy?\"Thehostesstrainingagain.\"WhyshouldIbeshy,youdon'tthehostessalsopregnant?\"\"ButIconceiveismyhusband!\"Thehostessretortedangrily.\"Metoo!\"Themaidhappytoecho.3,amanridingamotorcyclelikethedress,istocutontheback,canthewind.Drunkdrivingoneday,heturnedover,aplantedontheroad.Police:policea:agoodseriouscaraccident.Policemanb:yes,hisheadhittheback.Po1:well,stillbreathing,let'shelphimturnhisheadback.Po2:good...One,two,turnback.Policemana:well,notbreathing...4,turninacurvycountryroad,becauseofteninacaraccident,sooftenhavesomeghoststory,onenight,there'sataxidriversawthesideoftheroadhavealonghairshawls,dressedinawhitewomanwavedtohim,becausethedriverdidn'tseeaghost,soboldstoppedtolethergetonthebus,alongtheway,thedriverdoesn'tbelieveinghosts,theinthemindalsomaomao,sooftenthewomanbehindtherearviewmirrortosee,openopen,thedriverfoundthewomansuddenlydisappeared!Thedriverstartled,hurriedlysteppedonabrake!Isawthewomanfaceisblood,grimexpression.Thedriverfrightenofteethchatter.Suddenlythewomanspoke:\"wouldyoudrive!Ibowtofastenshoelacesareyousmashedthroughasuddenbrakemynose...\"5,apatienttoseeadoctor,thedoctorexaminedhim,frowningsaid:\"youtooseriousill,I'mafraidIwon'tlivemuchlonger.\"Patient:\"pleasetellmehowlongwillIlive?\"Doctor:\"ten...\"Patientanxiouslyasked:\"what?Tenyears??Tenmonths???Tendays?????\"Doctor:\"ten,nine,eight,seven,six,five...\"6,teacher:\"canyousaysome18th-centuryscientistscommoncharacteristics?\"Student:\"yes,theyarealldead.\"7,rhinopoopQiangandmosquitofallinlove,Qiangaskedamosquitoistodowhatwork,themosquitosaid:\"nurse,giveortakeaninjection.\"Qiangaclapathigh:\"thefate,IamatraditionalChinesemedicinebureaurubpills...\"8,theafricansliveinahotel.Inthemidnight,afire,unknownreason.Beforerushingsomanyafricans,nakedandranout.Firefighterssaidexclaimed:\"mymamaah!Allpastetheburnedareacanrunsofast!\"9,apersonwantstogoabroad,butitmustbeapprovedbyboss.Sohetothemanagerforinstructions,thebossgavehimanote,itread:\"Goahead\".Themanthought,\"Goahead=progress,bossisapproved.\"Sohestartedtopacking.Acolleaguetoseeheasked:\"whatareyoudoing?\"Hesaid:\"I'mreadytoGoabroadinvestigation,bossapproved,wroteme'Goahead'.\"Colleagueofjoyatthesightofarticle:\"let'sbosshaven'tapproved!!!!!OurbossEnglishdon'tyouknow,heissaidtohead!\"10,prieststobuyhishorseandcarriageofthefarmersaid,\"thishorsecanonlyunderstandthelanguageofthechurch,call\"thankgod\"itran;called\"praisegod\"itdidn'tstop.\"Farmertrack,hetriedtothankgodgaveacry,thehorsegallop,immediatelyranfasterandfaster.Aruntotheedgeoftheclifffrightenedfarmerrememberedthatletitstoppassword\"praisegod\".Sureenough,thehorsestopped.Closethefarmergrowsasigh:\"thankgod.........\"
Iplayedforalongtime,please
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