ALetter to My Daughter
DearDaughter:
亲爱的女儿：
As we drove off fromColumbia, I wanted to write a letter to you to tell you all that is on my mind。
当我们开车驶出哥伦比亚大学的时候，我想写一封信给你，告诉你盘旋在我脑中的想法。
First, I want to tell you how proud weare. Getting into Columbia is a realtestament of what a great well-rounded student you are. Your academic, artistic, and social skillshave truly blossomed in the last few years. Whether it is getting the highest grade in Calculus, completing yourelegant fashion design, successfully selling your painted running shoes, orbecoming one of the top orators in Model United Nations, you have become atalented and accomplished young woman. You should be as proud of yourself as we are。
首先，我想告诉你我们为你感到特别骄傲。进入哥伦比亚大学证明你是一个全面发展的优秀学生，你的学业、艺术和社交技能最近都有卓越的表现，无论是你高中微积分第一名，时尚的设计，绘制的球鞋，还是在“模拟联合国”的演说，你毫无疑问已经是一个多才多艺的女孩。你的父母为你感到骄傲，你也应该像我们一样为自己感到自豪。
I will always remember the first moment Iheld you in my arms. I felt a tinglingsensation that directly touched my heart. It was an intoxicating feeling I will always have. It must be that “father-daughter connection”which will bind us for life. I willalways remember singing you lullaby while I rocked you to sleep. When I put you down, it was always with bothrelief (she finally fell asleep!) and regret (wishing I could hold youlonger). And I will always remembertaking you to the playground, and watching you having so much fun. You were so cute and adorable, and that iswhy everybody loved you so.
我会永远记得第一次将你抱在臂弯的那一刻，一种新鲜激动的感觉瞬间触动了我的心，那是一种永远让我陶醉的感觉，就是那种将我们的一生都联结在一起的“父女情结”。我也常常想起我唱着催眠曲轻摇你入睡，当我把你放下的时候，常常觉得既解脱又惋惜，一方面我想，她终于睡着了！另一方面，我又多么希望自己可以多抱你一会儿。我还记得带你到运动场，看着你玩得那么开心，你是那样可爱，所有人都非常爱你。
You have been a great kid ever since youwere born, always quiet, empathetic, attentive, and well-mannered. You were three when we built our house. I remember you quietly followed us everyweekend for more than ten hours a day to get building supplies. You put up with that boring period without afuss, happily ate hamburgers every meal in the car, sang with Barney until youfell asleep. When you went to SundayChinese school, you studied hard even though it was no fun for you. I cannot believe how lucky we are as parentsto have a daughter like you。
你不但长得可爱，而且是个特别乖巧的孩子。你从不吵闹、为人着想，既听话又有礼貌。当你三岁我们建房子的时候，每个周末十多个小时你都静静地跟着我们去运建筑材料，三餐在车上吃着汉堡，唱着儿歌，唱累了就睡觉，一点都不娇气不抱怨。你去上周日的中文学习班时，尽管一点也不觉得有趣，却依然很努力。我们做父母的能有像你这样的女儿真的感到非常幸运。
You have been an excellent eldersister. Even though you two had yourshare of fights, the last few years you have become best friends. Your sister loves you so much, and she lovesto make you laugh. She looks up to you,and sees you as her role model. As yousaw when we departed, she misses you so much. And I know that you miss her just as much. There is nothing like family, and other thanyour parents, your sister is the one person who you can trust and confidein. She will be the one to take care ofyou, and the one you must take care of. There is nothing we wish more than thatyour sisterhood will continue to bond as you grow older, and that you will takecare of each other throughout your lives. For the next four years, do have a short video chat with her every fewdays, and do email her when you have a chance。
你也是个很好的姐姐。虽然你们姐妹以前也会打架，但是长大后，你们真的成为了好朋友。妹妹很爱你，很喜欢逗你笑，她把你当成她的榜样看待。我们开车离开哥大后，她非常想你，我知道你也很想她。世界上最宝贵的就是家人。和父母一样，妹妹就是你最可以信任的人。随着年龄的增长，你们姐妹之间的情谊不变，你们互相照应，彼此关心，这就是我最希望见到的事情了。在你的大学四年，有空时你一定要常常跟妹妹视频聊聊天，写写电子邮件。
College will be the most important years inyour life. It is in college that youwill truly discover what learning is about. You often question “what good is this course”. I encourage you to be inquisitive, but I alsowant to tell you : “education is what you have left after all that is taught isforgotten”. What I mean by that is thematerials taught isn’t as important as you gaining the ability to learn a newsubject, and the ability to analyze a new problem. That is really what learning in college isabout – this will be the period where you go from teacher-taught tomaster-inspired, after which you must become self-learner. So do take each subject seriously, and evenif what you learn isn’t critical for your life, the skills of learning will besomething you cherish forever.
大学将是你人生最重要的时光，在大学里你会发现学习的真谛。你以前经常会问到 “这个课程有什么用”，这是个好问题，但是我希望你理解：“教育的真谛就是当你忘记一切所学到的东西之后所剩下的东西。”我的意思是，最重要的不是你学到的具体的知识，而是你学习新事物和解决新问题的能力。这才是大学学习的真正意义——这将是你从被动学习转向自主学习的阶段，之后你会变成一个很好的自学者。所以，即便你所学的不是生活里所急需的，也要认真看待大学里的每一门功课，就算学习的技能你会忘记，学习的能力是你将受用终身的。
Do not fall into the trap of dogma. There is no single simple answer to anyquestion. Remember during your highschool debate class, I always asked you to take on the side that you don’tbelieve in? I did that for a reason --things rarely “black and white”，and there are always many ways to look at a problem. You will become a better problem solver ifyou recognized that. This is called“critical thinking”，and it is the most important thinking skill you need for your life. This also means you need to become tolerantand supportive of others. I will alwaysremember when I went to my Ph.D. advisor and proposed a new thesis topic. He said “I don’t agree with you, but I’llsupport you。” After the years, I have learned this isn’tjust flexibility, it is encouragement of critical thinking, and an empoweringstyle of leadership, and it has become a part of me. I hope it will become a part of you too。
不要被教条所束缚，任何问题都没有一个唯一的简单的答案。还记得当我帮助你高中的辩论课程时，我总是让你站在你不认可的那一方来辩论吗？我这么做的理由就是希望你能够理解：看待一个问题不应该非黑即白，而是有很多方法和角度。当你意识到这点的时候，你就会成为一个很好的解决问题者。这就是“批判的思维”——你的一生都会需要的最重要的思考方式，这也意味着你还需要包容和支持不同于你的其他观点。我永远记得我去找我的博士导师提出了一个新论题，他告诉我：“我不同意你，但我支持你。”多年后，我认识到这不仅仅是包容，而是一种批判式思考，更是令人折服的领导风格，现在这也变成了我的一部分。我希望这也能成为你的一部分。
Do your best in classes, but don’t letpressure get to you. Your mother and Ihave no expectations for your grades. Ifyou graduate and learn something in your four years, we would feel happy. Your Columbia degree will take you far, evenif you don’t graduate with honors. Soplease don’t give yourself pressure。During your last few months in highschool, you were so happy because there was little pressure and collegeapplications are finished. But in thepast few weeks, we saw you are beginning to worry (did you know you bite yournails when you are nervous?). Pleasedon’t be worried. The only thing thatmatters is that you learned. The onlymetric you should use is that you tried. Grades are just silly letters that give the vain people something tobrag, and the lazy people something to fear. You are too good to be either。
在功课上要尽力，但不要给自己太多压力。你妈妈和我在成绩上对你没什么要求，只要你能顺利毕业并在这四年里学到了些东西，我们就会很高兴了。即便你毕业时没有获得优异的成绩，你的哥伦比亚学位也将带你走得很远。所以别给自己压力。在你高中生活的最后几个月，因为压力比较小，大学申请也结束了，你过得很开心，但是在最近的几个星期，你好像开始紧张起来。(你注意到你紧张时会咬指甲吗？)千万别担心，最重要的是你有在学习，你需要的唯一衡量是你的努力程度。成绩只不过是虚荣的人用以吹嘘和慵懒的人所恐惧的无聊数字而已，而你既不虚荣也不慵懒。
Most importantly, make friends and behappy. College friends are often thebest in life, because during college you are closer to them physically than toyour family. Also, going throughindependence and adulthood is a natural bonding experience. Pick a few friends and become really close tothem – pick the ones who are genuine and sincere to you. Don’t worry about their hobbies, grades,looks, or even personalities. You havedeveloped some real friendships in high school in your last two years, so trustyour instinct, and make new friends. Youare a genuine and sincere person – anyone would enjoy being your friend, so beconfident, outgoing, and pro-active. Ifyou think you like someone, tell her. You have very little to lose. Give people the benefit of the doubt; don’t stereotype and beforgiving. People are not perfect, so aslong as they are genuine and sincere, trust them and be good to them. They will give back. This is my secret of success – that I amgenuine with people and trust them (unless they do something to lose mytrust). Some people tell me thatoccasionally I would be taken advantage of. They are right, but I can tell you that that loss is nothing compared towhat I gained. In my last 18 yearsleading people, I have realized that only one thing matters – to gain the trustand respect of others, and to do so, you need to trust and respect othersfirst. Whether it is for management,work, or friendship, this is something you should ponder。
最重要的是在大学里你要交一些朋友，快乐生活。大学的朋友往往是生命中最好的朋友，因为在大学里你和朋友能够近距离交往。另外，在一块儿成长，一起独立，很自然地你们就会紧紧地系在一起，成为密友。你应该挑选一些真诚诚恳的朋友，跟他们亲近，别在乎他们的爱好、成绩、外表甚至性格。你在高中的最后两年已经交到了一些真正的朋友，所以尽可以相信自己的直觉，再交一些新朋友吧。你是一个真诚的人，任何人都会喜欢跟你做朋友的，所以要自信、外向、主动一点，如果你喜欢某人，就告诉她，就算她拒绝了，你也没有损失什么。以最大的善意去对人，不要有成见，要宽容。人无完人，只要他们很真诚，就信任他们，对他们友善。他们将给你相同的回报，这是我成功的秘密——我以诚待人，信任他人(除非他们做了失信于我的事)。有人告诉这样有时我会被占便宜，他们是对的，但是我可以告诉你：以诚待人让我得到的远远超过我失去的。在我做管理的18年里，我学到一件很重要的事——要想得到他人的信任和尊重，只有先去信任和尊重他人。无论是管理、工作、交友，这点都值得你参考。
